


The rattling of the past

by drunkenshrimp (svnwritten)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Light Angst and Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Recreational Alcohol and Drug Use, Music Video: Kokobop (EXO), Music Video: What a Life (EXO-SC), Reunions, a "make it better" type of fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28769757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnwritten/pseuds/drunkenshrimp
Summary: Jongdae is a musician and yet he can't put a name to the sound his heart makes.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 16
Kudos: 27
Collections: Challenge #12 — EXO's Universe





	The rattling of the past

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my debut for tiny sparks! I hope you'll enjoy this little story :)

The doors seem too big for Jongdae's liking. It makes sense though - he muses. Big doors for a big guy with big stacks of money.

“You ready, Jongdae?” Minseok nudges Jongdae's arm. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

He might as well look the past in the face. 

_ In his memory, the past has bubble-pink hair, big sparkly eyes, and reddening cheeks. He can't help but wonder if, paradoxically, the past changed over time _ . 

“Jongdae you came!” Baekhyun's face comes into the vision, “And Minseok-hyung too!” He whistles, pushing a glass of wine into Jongdae's hands. The glass feels paper-thin. Just as unreal as the rest.

"It's so good to see you after all these years," Baekhyun continues. “It's been ages!” He adds and disappears into the crowd. Jongdae smiles. It seems that Baekhyun hasn't changed a bit. 

_ He still remembers Baekhyun's grip on his wrist as he dragged him into an abandoned warehouse with a promise on his lips and mischief in his eyes.  _

_ “We're gonna have so much fun, 'Dae” he laughed.  _

_ And they did.  _

Minseok stands on his toes. He has been restless for a while now. A kind of uneasiness Jongdae can’t help him with. He can pinpoint the exact moment Minseok's and Sehun's eyes meet. It's been years for them too.

“Off you go, hyung,” Jongdae pushes Minseok forward. “I know you want to. That's why you came.”

And Minseok, gods’ bless his kind heart, has the audacity to look apologetic and concerned. 

“Are you going to be alright?” He asks.

Jongdae hums, “I wouldn't come here if I couldn't do it.” is all he says. 

He watches Minseok walk away. His baby blue shirt and jet-black curls contrast with Sehun's emerald suit and pale hair. 

_ Once, Jongdae caught Sehun and Minseok on the meadow behind the warehouse with tender smiles gracing their faces. It seemed like they were looking at each other with their eyes closed and hearts opened.  _

It's too stuffy here - Jongdae thinks. Too many people, too many thoughts, too many unwanted eyes, and too many empty congratulations. He takes his glass and goes upstairs. He has never been in this villa before and yet it feels like he knows it better than any other house. Perhaps because he - they - used the dream about a place like that. 

_ “A place to call home…” Jongdae says offhandedly, lips curling with delight as he hears Chanyeol groan.  _

_ “Like a dream house?” Chanyeol inquiries, head lolling back. It's his neck against the armrest, it's his pink strands against a worn-out pillow, it's his breath against Jongdae's neck.  _

_ “No,” Jongdae giggles, “I mean a home,” he repeats. He is so drunk.  _

_ Chanyeol grunts. “I don't know. A villa, a little dog, a beautiful garden, you. I don't know.” _

_ Time freezes for a split of a second, Jongdae's heart way too loud for the emptiness of this room. Then, he laughs again because he's drunk on many things. _

_ “Now you're just listing random crap, dude!” He whines and the time moves on. _

The second floor seems isolated from the noise and attention. Jongdae decides that he likes it better. A tiny black poodle is napping in the basket. Jongdae tip-toes by him. 

He's not sure what brings him to the balcony but from the beginning, he knew he was going to end up here. “Here” is not a place, it’s a situation. He tries to play it cool when his elbows rest on the balustrade next to an ashtray. Two half-burned cigarettes look like two miserable lovers. 

“You came,” says Chanyeol. His hair is ash-blonde instead of bubblegum-pink and he smells like an expensive aftershave instead of a detergent. “I didn’t think you would.”

Jongdae snorts.

“It would raise questions if I didn’t attend the party that was thrown for me.” he rolls his eyes, “A party organized by my lyricist.”

Something shifts under the star-peppered sky. Chanyeol shrugs.

“You didn’t come the last time I asked,” he says and the fabric of his blazer rustles.

A deja vu tugs at the bottom of Jongdae’s heart.

_ Chanyeol’s eyes are glossy and his smile is lopsided. _

_ “Come with me!” he clumsily grabs Jongdae’s hand, his fingers unbearably clammy.  _

_ “Why?” Jongdae's lips linger at the rim of his bottle.  _

_ Chanyeol gawks at him. His cheeks are red from the heat and the alcohol. His pupils are blown wide. _

_ “Why?” he repeats. “Because I love you, of course.” _

_ The bottle slips from Jongdae’s hand and smashes against the concrete floor. He yanks his fingers from Chanyeol’s grip and traps his bottom lip between his teeth. He’s high, high on love, and on that shit Minseok gave them. High enough to fall hard when reality hits him. _

_ “You’re an idiot, Chanyeol.” he draws through clenched teeth and walks away on wobbly legs. _

That was the last time they saw each other until today.

“The last time you weren’t in the right mind,” Jongdae's voice tense. He keeps his head high, he has grown over the past few years, and now he doesn’t have to be intoxicated to be proud. 

Chanyeol’s looking at him as if he was a blessing in disguise.

“I didn’t have the guts to ask you - confess to you - while sober,” he sounds so collected and calm.

The oxygen rattles in Jongdae’s chest. Or maybe it’s just his heart.

“Well then, it means that you weren’t ready for a relationship” his fingers drum against the railing.

Stars blink at them with interest.

“And if I confessed now? If I asked again…”

For the first time in years, Jongdae turns to look into Chanyeol’s eyes. They shine brighter than the stars. He chooses his next words carefully as if this time he was the one writing a song. 

“If you did that, I would reconsider.”

The air escapes from his lungs, as he gets enwrapped by Chanyeol’s arms. Now, he knows that it was his heart that was rattling in his chest.

With trembling hands, he hugs back.


End file.
